Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
