She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
