I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
