After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
how does that bad decision feel?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
