this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My bed smells like the plague
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