toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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