so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize