Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
