the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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