Screwed.edu
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
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