On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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