I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
