we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
