You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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