i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
