there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
