bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
