If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
