yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
