So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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