So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
