Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
