Banned from zoo.
Again?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Randomize
