margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize