tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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