Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
