I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
