She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
