I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
