I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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