dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
