I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
