i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
