we have officially lost it.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
