u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Randomize
