he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize