I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
