Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
