i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
