We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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