Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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