You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
