I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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