Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
