I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
