We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
