You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
