i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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