He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
