i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
