I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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