she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
