My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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