I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
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