the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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