He is an equal opportunity slut.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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