what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
