either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize