Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
