i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Operation Purity has been aborted
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
