i think i have two assholes
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
