So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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