Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
People in love make me want to vomit
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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