dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
