i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Randomize
