I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
