just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Randomize