Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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