well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
