that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize