All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
