She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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