He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
