what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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