yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
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