is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
