I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
