so that wasnt chicken after all
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have already put on my inside pants.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
