If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
