my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i wish my penis had a tongue
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
