the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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