I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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