it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I think your dad took our porno
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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