I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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