You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
