Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
