sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
