Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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