butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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