This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
