She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
